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Trying to Fix My Sexual Performance Anxiety

I am 31 years old, married for three years with 2 kids. When I first met my wife I had what I told myself was Social Anxiety.


Danny, M - 31

I have been reading for the past week browsing all the websites and forums so guess it’s time I introduce myself and put my thoughts/feelings to paper so to speak.

I am 31 years old, married for three years with 2 kids. When I first met my wife I had what I told myself was Social Anxiety. I’d go up to hang out and meet her but if we had to go out to the bar or anything with her friends I’d feel faint, unable to swallow/eat and generally just not feel myself. I remember one such occurrence on her birthday when we were all supposed to go out.

I was in such a panic mode I had to take a walk and when I came back went straight to the bathroom and stayed there for an extended time. Needless to say, we didn’t go out that night and that’s when my now wife first recognized how to sever that was. I used to cope with this by making sure I got drunk before going out (bad idea in hindsight, but got me through a few big events).

Fast forward 5 years and I am nowhere near where I used to be but I still get it here and there.

Really the only time I get it now is when there is an event that we have to go too and I anticipate my wife having a horrible time. Now I love my wife to death, but she is a “super-mom/super-wife” that always has a lot on her plate. Anyway way, to be short I have an amazing wife, who is stressed and at her wits end so to speak.

This leads me to the main part of this post. I believe I have sexual performance anxiety. I have had great sex with my wife and have had horrible sex with my wife. Never know which one it will be. However, in the past two months, I’ve gone soft three times. I’ll penetrate then after about 1 min I can start feeling it going soft and all I can think about is “oh no not again”.

Needless to say, this is all I can think about. At night time when we go to bed, I feel like you could cut the tension with a knife.

I can, however, get hard by fantasizing about her being tied up and me having my way with her, hell I even fantasized once about other guys screwing her. She does know that I was into the fetish/leather scene and some light BDSM. It’s kind of ironic I guess however as the best sex we ever had was when she was reading those 50 shades of grey books.

I’ve started taking L- Theanine hoping that will help with the anxiety. Any thoughts/comments on those items???? I’ve made a call to a therapist but have yet to make an actual appointment.

If you’ve read all this, well thanks. I don’t know if I’m looking for comments or even advice I just know it actually feels really good to put this down in writing. This has put a serious strain on our relationship & I want to get better but fear I won’t get better “quick” enough.

I have told her I’m working on it and have an appointment with my doctor next week. To be honest I’m hoping he will give me a sample pack of Cialis or something of the like and it will get me over the hump.

If I can be successful one more time I feel like that will be a step in the right direction. As she also said to me, “you just need to get your confidence back”

I’m really hoping I’ll be one of those success stories I keep reading about!!!!!!

Trying to Fix My Sexual Performance Anxiety

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